Difference between revisions of "The Flea"
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'''"Okay, I'm back. I accidentally put too much ping in my pong and wrecked my paddle. Did I miss anything? You comfy? Need me to get you a glass of water? No? Let the party continue!"''' | '''"Okay, I'm back. I accidentally put too much ping in my pong and wrecked my paddle. Did I miss anything? You comfy? Need me to get you a glass of water? No? Let the party continue!"''' | ||
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= '''''<div style="color:#FFFFFF; background-color: #8B4513">Kiss My Ass and Inflate My Ego</div>''''' = | = '''''<div style="color:#FFFFFF; background-color: #8B4513">Kiss My Ass and Inflate My Ego</div>''''' = | ||
Revision as of 22:28, 16 April 2014
(Proportionate Strength of a Flea) "I can bench, like, all the weight"
(Enhanced Jumping) "White men CAN jump."
(Enhanced Agility and Dexterity) "Flea be nimble, Flea be quick."
(Enhanced Metabolism) "I'm on the 'eat whatever the hell I want' diet."
(Flea Sense) "I'm not saying it tingles, but it does."
('Flealepathy') "I also do this really trippy stuff with fleas."
(Wallcrawling) "Who doesn't love a little five finger fun?"
(Impulsivity) "I like to adopt a policy of leaping before I look."(The Big Belt O' Pouches) "Sometimes it pays to be really, really, REALLY prepared."
There are monoliths of human aptitude who boldly don battle gear and bravely soldier forth in the name of justice and peace. There are geniuses who harness the unlimited potential of technology to bolster and protect their fellow man from any who would threaten to harm them. There are the morally upstanding few who, infused with tremendous power, stand tall above the innocent masses and against the many varied forces of evil. Then there's Dewey Donovan.
A two-bit crook, part-time exterminator and all-around scumbag, Dewey Donovan was bestowed with all the powers of a flea when he was bitten by a swarm of the bloodsucking parasites which had piggybacked in the fur of an escaped test dog he had taken in. Originally hoping to use his newfound power to make a fortune in the world of crime, Dewey was dismayed to discover that he was incapable of using them without becoming a slave to his base instincts. He was even more dismayed to discover that his base instincts often compelled him to do good instead of evil.
Resigning himself to his new life as a reluctant crimefighter, Dewey became the Indestructible Flea, bringing his own 'unique' brand of justice to the streets of Millennium City and running his mouth off all the while. Though he still gets the occasional urge to pocket a priceless diamond or keep a stolen purse, Dewey is quickly realising that doing good might not be so bad. Whether or not he can permanently change his ways and become a legitimate hero, however, remains to be seen - especially with his crooked past haunting him at every juncture...
Contents
Did Someone Say Exposition?
Powers That I Can Do
Stuff I Have
Weaknesses I do not have because I'm a man
Did somebody say "Sexy Nude Pictures"?
The Flea Nu.JPG</gallery>
Slammin' Tunes to Fit the Mood
"These are the songs I like to sing in my head when I'm kicking ass. Sometimes I sing them out loud. Most times I don't."
The Offspring - Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)
Cypress Hill - Insane In The Brain
LMFAO - I'm Sexy And I Know It
Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me
Tiny Tim - Living In The Sunlight, Loving In The Moonlight
They Might Be Giants - Can't Keep Johnny Down
Three Bad Jacks - Crazy In The Head
Hey, You! Not You! You! Have We Met?
"I'll let Swixer take over from here, since I've just found a ping-pong paddle and am about to go cray-cray."
- The Flea is notorious throughout Millennium City's street level superhero community due to his annoying personality and lack of self-control, both of which tend to make their jobs a lot harder.
- Dexter Pest and his band frequents Sherrera's Bar, playing mediocre music and drinking free beers.
- The Flea frequents Carl's Gym, bragging to others about his fighting talent and taking on challengers.
- The Flea has his own online blog, which provides laughs to a number of his fellow heroes as they mock his very existence.
- The Flea is an avid video gamer and can be found online under the screen-names "xxxXXXxxxkill3r_no_scope_fleaxxxXXXxxx", "I_luv_boobs696969", "Nanny McFlea", "Boneatron3000", "Sexy_Guitarist_Boy69" and "XXXx00KILLER00xXXX". He frequently gets banned for pestering his fellow gamers, asking female gamers for their age, address and phone numbers and having an unsportsmanlike personality.
- The Flea frequents various online messageboards and forums, usually posing as a fan of himself and posting topics about how amazing he is.
- The Flea is an honorary member of CABAL and claims to be a member of the Moonlighters (he isn't). Neither team returns his calls.
"Okay, I'm back. I accidentally put too much ping in my pong and wrecked my paddle. Did I miss anything? You comfy? Need me to get you a glass of water? No? Let the party continue!"
Kiss My Ass and Inflate My Ego
"So, this is pretty much the place where you put all your opinions of me and what I do so the entire world knows you love me almost as much as I love me! Ladies, try to keep it PG-13."
This guy is actually a hero who actually fights crime. I'm not kidding. Really. - Avro
"I don't see anyone lining up to get your autograph, Hawkeye! Ingrate."
The guy makes me laugh. I'm not sure if that's a mark against him, or me." - Thundrax
"Brb. Fangasming."
"Uhm...speaking as a British international law-enforcing gun-toting snow dragon, this guy is one of the strangest people I've ran into and that's saying...a lot." - Snowtalon
"Okay, that's it. New rule: you're only allowed to say nice things about me from now on. These include, but are not strictly limited to: compliments about my antennae, remarks about the firmness of my buttocks and positive statements about the effect I have on your sex drive."
For once, Natasha breaks the fourth wall, blinking at the previous statement, but having an amused smirk nontheless. Then clears her throat. "Well... A hero that goes after a bug, why not. Wouldn't figure somebody would go for a flea, though, which makes Flea here pretty unique, if I'm being honest. While I once got annoyed by Flea, I learned to take everything he says with a grain of salt and enjoy it. His acts, believe it or not, play an important role... He raises morale. That's right, and don't you go and disbeleive it. And for having fought by his side I can tell you that I do like to know he's on our side." - Natasha Roy
"Hey, woah, woah, woah! Wait a cotton-picking minute! How come she can break the fourth wall too? Come on, people, we had contracts made up for this sort of thing! I'm suing somebody! I'll be in my imaginary trailer!"
"Few beings disgust me as much as he does." - Lorekeeper
"Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, princess!"
"...he really needs to quit asking how old I am. And for my phone number. And for pictures of me." - Dobergirl
"And -you- need to stop leaving the window of your apartment open!"
"Fleeeeeea! He's my favorite bug! But not the evil him I met once, he sucks. I proposed to an angel for him once!" - Impsblood
"She did. It was heavenly. Nyehahaha! Geddit? Do ya- Eh, never mind."
"Guy killed the shit out of a bear with his bare hands. No pun intended. Anybody else.. kinda scared now?" - Desperado
"Killed a bear with my bare hands! AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO BEAR ARMS! AHAHAHAHA! NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL AN UNBEARABLE JOKE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Through thick or thin, I'll have Flea's back as I know he'll have mine. I've nothing but complete faith and love for this man." - Canadian Fist
"...Thanks, Fisty..."
"Flea really seems like a decent guy with his heart in the right place, unlike certain HIPPO MURDERING ASSHOLES I know of. And c'mon, he's pretty funny. Admit it. ..When he's not trying to hitch a ride in my cleavage." - Ophidia
"You know, some people would take that as a compliment, Scaley."
"I don't care what kind of reputation he has. He is not funny. He's not anything except an annoying *blip* who constantly just *blip* with every *blip* one! Befits the name though, I suppose. Do us all a favor and get out of our *blip* hair on a social level. You -might- make friends." - Anarchy
"Woah, I think I'm gonna have to wear some mittens or something here because damn if this lady isn't edgy! I mean seriously, I don't want to hurt myself on all the edginess over here! I especially like the way she swore a whole bunch because she's waaaaaay too cool for school! I wasn't totally convinced by her totally hip and rebellious hairdo or her totally original trenchcoat and name but this right here? This is definitely proof enough of how edgy and out there this lady is! I mean, here I am sitting here being an idiot while -this- one is out shooting things and telling everyone that she isn't a hero because she's too hardcore for that! Go you! Gurl power! You sure won -this- one, I tell you what."
"I owe him a great deal after that incident by the Stature of Liberty... but whenever I see him I think of giant, horrible, disgusting, repulsive and downright fugly insects from outer space. I'd be happy to see him remain a hero... just as long as he does far away from me. No offense." - Demoness
"I took a picture of your boobs."
"In his own way, the Flea is just as noble a defender as any other that takes up the mantle of hero. Whatever his reasons for it, I am glad that he has chosen this path. It is not an easy one to walk, but I believe that he has the fortitude and the intent to see it through to whatever end it may have." - Wavegirl
"I thought the doctor removed my fortitude when I was nine..."
"Oh MAN! I saw the Flea and he kicks butt. I think he was fighting the Blue Bwooser and it was weally good. He also likes cookies and that is even better! Keep kicking butt Mr. Flea!" - Chocolate Chip Chelsea
"The burning passion of a young fan screaming out her approval! A tidal wave of adoration waiting to sweep the unsuspecting hero away! The rapid rising of ego, spirits and self-esteem! This is what makes it all worthwhile!"
"Yuck! Ugh, don't mention that guy to me. I feel like I need to shower every time someone mentions his name. UghughUGH!" - Ada Clover
"Speaking of showers, you leave a -lot- of hair clumps in yours."
"Guy kills a bear and punches out kids, and he doesn't get crap for it. I kill a lion in self defense and move to incapacitate a target, and I'm called out for being a loose cannon? How the fuck is that right?" - Blue Freedom
"Might be 'cause you're a little more WET behind the ears than me. Ahahaha! ...I'm saying you pissed your pants."
"I do not know what this Flea is, but it sounds just like Yamcha." - Myrymma
"I'm the one who does references here, sweetie. Stick to what you know; like wearing skimpy clothing and sending adventurers on quests!"
"Flea is a pervert who looks at too much porn. I still remember when he shoved a mage's assistant off a computer to look hentai up. But I get a laugh from him every now and then, so I can tolerate him. For now." - Ryder Williams
(To 'We Didn't Start The Fire') "Hayabusa, Tobikage, Princess Zelda when she's manly, Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo! Betsy Braddock 'cause she's Psylocke, Raiden, Sasuke, One-Eyed Morlock, Ninja Ninja, Shiranui, freakin' Naruto! I didn't make a ninja! They are all but certain when a weeaboo's yearning! I didn't make a ninja! If there's one thing I know, it's that I'm no weeaboo!"
"This guy was on my team online and kept asking me to show my boobs and make him a sandwich. I hope he doesn't know where I live." - Corrosia
"He doooooooes~"
"The who?" - Whitecloak
"Whooooooooo are you? Who who who who? I REALLY WANNA KNOW!"
"SO LIKE I herd you like mudkipz! HHahaha just kidding umm. You are pretty cool and funny like Danger Deer! We should totally get pizza sometime and you can like tell me cool Flea stuff. UNLESS YOU DECIDE TO FLEE! HA GET IT?!" - Doe Nut
"Yeesh."
"HEY Yeesh isn't an answer. Come on we can compare your Ada Clover underwear collection to my Danger Deer boxers I got! Umm...seriously! DON't IGNORE ME!! ITS FREE PIZZA." - Doe Nut
"Cuckoo."
"Women need to use flea collars against you." - Wolf
"My god your funny i'm laughing this is the coolest person i never met." - Arachni-Boy
"How the Hell did he Kill a Bear?!" - Skull
And I thought that FoxBat was crazy. -Killer Spider